me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
