If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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