I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have aggressive nipples.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
