Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
