i just wanna soil my oats bro
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
