He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Randomize
