yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
