I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
