Midget sex pt 2 tonight
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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