I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
