i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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