At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
