You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
