i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
