The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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