dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
