I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
