I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize