with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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