my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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