This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize