He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
