If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize