Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
