Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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