I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
