i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im part way to drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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