In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
