There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
