the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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