I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What happened to fro yo and sex?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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