Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
