why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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