I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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