the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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