So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
