everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
