put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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