She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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