my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
