Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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