omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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