Don't make out with my wife yet
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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