Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My cat gives me a boner
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
