garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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