my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
