Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
