I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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