I can text with my tongue
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
