goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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