she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
