we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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