Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
