I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
