i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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