im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
