When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Less talking, more tequila
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
