alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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