somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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