Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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