Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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