Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
