the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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