I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize