If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
