Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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