Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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