I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
