The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
