Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
