I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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