is wine microwaveable?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
