I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
