my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
