Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
