The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
