oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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