nut hugger
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
