Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
