drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
