Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
