God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
