I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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