wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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