My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
