just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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