Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
