Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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