Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
