3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
