Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
