I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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