i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
