Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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