I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
