WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
