Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize