I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
