the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
