Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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