is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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