In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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