No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
