i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
