i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize