I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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