somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
