I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
