He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
